Adentures Of A Retail Slave

We always get customers who get angry because they say something that is in their usual size doesn’t fit them.

If you’re a size 2 in Old Navy jeans, you probably won’t be a two in vegetal Balenciaga calfskin leather pants. You know why? Because they have different fit models and Old Navy’s fit model is probably some random factory worker in a third world country while Balenciaga probably has some emaciated Eastern-European former gymnast or figure skater turned model as their fit model. So deal with the fact you might have to go up one maybe two sizes up sometimes!!!

If we’re fucking crazy busy, don’t ask us to do some petty shit like see if we have a sale 49.99 top in the back in another size. You think we would drop a multi-hundred (sometimes thousand dollar) sale to check your dumb ass sale top? OH HELL TO THE MOTHERFUCKING NO!

Why do you have different stuff than Macy’s, Nordstrom, Bloomingdale’s and Saks even if you’re the same brand?

Because we have different buyers you dumb ass. You think one person would decide to put all the same product in all the same stores and department stores as well? What good would that do? Some things are specific to department stores for a reason, and that reason is because if it were all the same, department stores would go bankrupt.

Chances are, if you think something makes you look fat, you probably are. I mean, let’s think about it. Yeah. You are.

When clients ask me how something fits I always want to just ask…

“Well, you saw it in the mirror, right?” to which they would say “yeah?” and I would say, “and how did it look?” to which they might answer “I love it, or I hate it, it makes me look fat”

To which I would want to respond: “well there you go then.”

I am going to start something new!

So, whenever clients ask me if I have something in another color, and I say, “unfortunately it’s sold out but I can order one for you or I can call you when get a shipment in…” and they say “nah, I’ll just stop by in a few weeks” or something like that…

I really just want to say “You don’t want it that bad then and I hope we never get a shipment in again…”

We appreciate all of our customers. If you’re animal friendly, that is wonderful. If we happen to be a leather goods specialty store, we’re going to have leather goods so don’t get disappointed if you’re in our boutique and can’t find anything animal-friendly.

Last but not least, don’t be a closet PETA freak. That’s when we ask you to leave the premises. And it does happen. We get people who are like really passionate (ahem, crazy) about their activism and want to get in touch with our upper management and corporate offices to try and dissuade us from selling leather goods. Not gonna happen sweetie.

Unless stated otherwise…

You cannot return items you purchased from our company at a store in a different country. Why? Because it messes up with our system. If you bought something in Germany, we can’t accept a return in the UK. We don’t care if its the same product, from an actual store or any other reason.

If you are going to have us transfer something that is super hard to find, make sure you really want it. It’s such a hassle to transfer from store to store. It messes up inventory, it costs money to ship it from store to store and stores hate giving up products that are their last ones.

If we’ve been helping you for an hour or so, and you are really showing interest, don’t just say “Ugh, I cannot make my mind up, I’ll come tomorrow…”

1. Ask us to put it on hold for you and don’t deny the hold just because you can’t make your mind up.
2. Ask us for our name or a card or when we’re working next…

Why?

Because most of us work on commission, and if you come barging into the store and go to the nearest sales associate the next day and say “I want this one”, it’s REALLY FUCKING ANNOYING because we don’t get the credit.